BIG THING

I grew up believing
That there was some
BIG THING
That I was supposed to do
To make the world
A better place.

Becoming an adult
Was all about figuring out
What that BIG THING was.

Then, if I worked hard enough,
I would be successful.
The BIG THING
Would be accomplished,
My purpose would be fulfilled,
And I would win the esteem of others.

Only—
Here I am in middle age
And I never figured out
What the BIG THING
Was supposed to be.

Most of my adulthood
Has been consumed
With little things—
Just doing what it takes
To adjust to life as it is
At the moment.
Although thoughts of the BIG THING
Continue to haunt me.

Yet, every time
A BIG THING comes along,
I take a step back from it,
Afraid that by getting caught up
In a BIG THING
I will miss out on
The little things.

And the older I get,
The more I embrace the little things—
Coffee at dawn with God,
A morning spent on chores and errands,
An afternoon with a child,
A walk with a friend,
This cool, quiet house.
This is where I find my joy.

I don’t know what my BIG THING
Would have, should have been.
But as I sit here on the porch,
Listening to these birds,
I can feel it floating further and further
Toward the horizon.

By Maria Brady-Smith

Photo by Mike Smith