Once

Once upon a time,
I was brand new.
I saw faces,
felt the touch,
of people who loved me
just for being born.

I grew.
I reached out
for the green of the trees,
the blue of the sky.
I breathed in
the freshness of the air.
I was an endlessly curious
explorer.

Immersed,
there was no space
between me and the world
into which I was born.

I grew.
I experienced
both love and pain.
But, sometimes,
love and pain
were interwoven in ways
I could not comprehend.

I learned fear.
I learned shame.
I learned separation.

Not knowing how to cope,
my reaction was
to pull away,
to isolate
in order to protect myself.

I grew.
Without awareness,
this reaction became
a lifelong habit.

But that new one,
the one who reached
for the sky,
she still lives in me.

When I let go of fear,
of shame,
when I claim curiosity
once again,
I can see through her eyes,
touch through her hands.

The separation,
the isolation,
fade
without my even trying.
I can rest here
for a while.

By Maria Brady-Smith
Photo by Mike Smith