How They Saved Me

My prayers of desperation
were almost always
centered around my children.
Please.
I beg You.
Bargaining,
even though
I don’t believe
in that sort of thing.

I would have given
my life for them.
I certainly would have
given up my happiness
if that worked.

But, of course, it doesn’t.

Because they were always
watching me,
learning how to live.
I was their first definition
of normal.
I didn’t want that
to be something from which
they’d spend a lifetime
recovering.

Having children saved me
in that way.
In the fog of fear,
or exhaustion,
or existential confusion,
they were the reason
I kept trying.
They taught me
how to be strong.

By Maria Brady-Smith
Photo by Mike Smith