Bargaining with God

Most offers have to do
with the sacrifice
I am willing to make
if God will just alleviate
pain and heartache-
especially my children’s.

In almost every terrible situation,
I resort to negotiating
for a change in reality,
for instant relief
to transitory difficulty.

As if God
were some wheeler-dealer
who shows up when the chips are down,
hoping to profit
from my vulnerability.
As if God’s currency
were my despair and suffering.

Meanwhile,
despite my willingness
to exchange
mystery for control,
wonder for surety,

God just goes right on
loving,
creating,
blessing,
soothing,
mystifying,
astounding,
guiding,
sustaining,

while I,
for a million reasons
that generally boil down to
fear,
accept these gifts
sparingly.

So who is the wheeler-dealer now?

By Maria Brady-Smith

Photo by Mike Smith